IT S GONNA BE FALL SOON AND THAT MEANS HALLOWEEN AND THANKSGIVING AND APPLE CIDER AND BIG SWEATERS AND FALL COLORS AND PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES AND TH EN ITS GONNA BE WINTER AND THAT MEANS CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAY THEMED EVERYTHING AND BAKING COOKIES AND HOT CHOCOLATE AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND LO TS OF SNOW IM SO PUMPED
"you’re so full of yourself" is such a weird expression like what else would I be full of???? bees??? styrofoam?????
A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK
alternatively if someone asks you what you did today just grimly look down at your hands and say “something I should have done a long time ago…”
whenever somebody says like “so what did you do today?” just look off into the distance and say “the right thing”
when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors
“Truth or dare”
“What’s your credit card number”